You know you're too old to go to the orthodontist when.... you walk in and walk up to the receptionist and proudly tell them your name and that you're here, as if they didn't know. But, the receptionist gives you a sympathetic smile and says ok. 3 minutes later, a pissed off 14 year old walks in with black hair, black skinny jeans, a tie die t-shirt, and converse shoes - doesn't speak to a soul as she walks over to a computer to ELECTRONICALLY CHECK IN - you had no idea that option existed. You know you're too old to go to the orthodontist.
You know you're too old to be in the orthodontist waiting room when.... they have video games and you're all of a sudden angry that these kids are sitting there playing video games when there are killer books sitting on the table for them to read - and why is that game so blasted loud? I cannot hear myself think! And, a dad walks in with this hormone raging teen dressed in God knows what, rolls her eyes at him, tap tap taps on her iPod that has been plugged in her ears for a quarter century, sits a chair over, and scoffs at him for reading a magazine and you think - she'll realize that man isn't such an idiot one day. You're too old to be a patient waiting in an orthodontist waiting room.
You know you're too old to go to the orthodontist when.... you're busy checking emails on your blackberry and hear what you thought was "Mauri" and you head to the back, lie down in the chair, and they are confused as to the strange disappearance of your braces and why you're there for a retainer - and why your name isn't LAUREN. Yes, Mauri and Lauren sound similar to an old kid, typing on her blackberry - and clearly not paying attention. Yup - you're too old to be there.
You know you're too old to go to the orthodontist when.... they finally figure out your name is Mauri, not Lauren and have made you a completely new retainer because yours was "so old it was brittle and falling apart." You and your retainer are too old to be at the orthodontist....
You know you're old when.... you finagle your way out of having to pay full price for the new, shiny retainer because you took yours in for a repair - not a brand new one. And, you did it with such character and charm that the ladies who generally deal with hormonal, idiot teenagers were singing your praises and thanking you for making their day.
***
[Thanks Mom for telling me that you wore your retainers until well into your 30s and that if I don't wear mine, my teeth will be crooked again, I will have to go thru the braces stint for the second time, and I will have to pay for them myself.... thus, creating this issue at hand. ;-D ]
Yes, these are all true instances that happened to me in about a 20 minute time span yesterday. You see, I had a heckova time when I was a pissed off, raging hormone teen with my jacked up grill. I wore braces for 5.5 years and had oral surgery to pull my top "eye" teeth out of the floor of my nose - that process took 2.5 years. So, yea - I've been to the orthodontist once or twice in my day and have worn my retainers since then like a model retainer/braces wear-er for 9 years now (holy moly - no wonder my retainer was falling apart, it was 9 YEARS OLD). Growing up in Arkansas, obviously my orthodontist was there so when my retainer broke this past fall, I had to find a new orthodontist here to fix it. I am like a baby sleeping without its pacifier when I don't have it. These really nice people at the ortho office here fixed my retainer this fall and it broke again 2 weeks ago, so - I took it into them and they so graciously made the old kid a new one :) I hope they were as entertained as I was about the whole situation. Yea - I'm too old for the orthodontist.... this new one better last me another 10 years.
Happy Hump Day!
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